Finding Belonging In Circle of Hope
- Elizabeth Ortega
- 8 hours ago
- 4 min read
Looking back at images of my children as babies gives me mixed emotions. I would love to swell up with love and pride, to burst with joy seeing their squishy thighs and hearing their soft coos, but I feel a heaviness in my chest and a bittersweetness in reminiscing. While soaking up the beauty that is motherhood and newborn life, I also suffered and struggled and was pushed to the edge of my physical and mental capabilities. I say this not in self-pity or to brag about my recovery, but to reflect on how I got to where I am today and thank those who helped me get along the way.
I always knew I was going to be a mom. I never daydreamed about motherhood, but I always knew that would be part of my future, almost like a box being ticked off my to-do list. Little did I know the transformation and absolute shaking to my core that I would experience along the way.
The Sacrifice of Motherhood
My first pregnancy was a welcome surprise, but it immediately brought the concept of sacrifice to the forefront. Severe nausea, vomiting, and fatigue plagued me for the first half of my pregnancy. No matter the natural or medical remedy, I couldn’t find relief. I struggled to accept that my body wasn’t something I could directly control anymore; I had to surrender to the evolution of pregnancy. Then came bleeding and hospitalization at 32 weeks. Able to receive the care that I needed, I was blessed to continue my pregnancy to 41 weeks. After all the “proper” preparation for birth – physicians, classes, yoga, meditation – my labor lasted over 24 hours and ended in a c-section.
Immediately postpartum, I felt like a failure. My body had failed me. Every time my daughter cried, I thought I was failing her. Each silent tear I shed seemed to stain the bliss-filled life that I was supposed to have with my baby girl. At my six-week appointment, I asked for help. My OB gave me a list of referrals and quickly shuffled me out the door. After countless calls to providers, the soonest a mental health therapist could see me was three months from then. I couldn’t wait that long. I feared spiraling deeper and deeper into this unknown depression, too far to ever get out. So, I reached out to Moms Mental Health Initiative. Within a week, I had my first session with a mental health therapist and was on my way to recovery.
Healing From Postpartum Depression
Looking back, I always had support. I have a loving and caring husband who was always present and looking to care for my daughter and me in whatever way he could. My mom was always one phone call away, and I even had family come to stay with us for a few weeks postpartum. I had wonderful friends who sent supportive texts and checked in when they could, but I had never felt more alone. Looking deep into my daughter’s eyes, I felt so much love, yet so much emptiness. Therapy slowly pulled me out of my apathy and brought me back to a more balanced state. Little by little, the light slowly came back behind my eyes. I was fortunate to recover quickly and significantly enough that we decided to get pregnant again about six months later.
The first trimester with my son was easy – a complete 180 from my previous experience. I felt good physically and mentally. I felt in control and confident about our transition into life as a family of four. That was until a huge swing of hormones in the second trimester knocked me off my feet with horrible migraines, causing me to lose multiple days of work and two visits to the Emergency Department. Fear began to creep back in as I could feel myself slip into my previous apathetic and depressive state. I continued therapy but searched for additional support. That’s where MMHI saved me again.
Joining Circle of Hope, Finding Hope
Six months pregnant with a one-year-old on my hip, I walked into my first Circle of Hope meeting. I wasn’t even able to finish introducing myself to the group before I dissolved into tears. Sharing fears that my postpartum depression was slowly returning, I was met with reassurance. I was met with love, validation, and acceptance. I had walked into Circle of Hope feeling the life steadily draining from my body and left with my cup overflowing.
Almost two years postpartum after my second, I can look at images of my newborn children, and along with the heaviness, I feel a deep sense of empathy for that young mom who struggled and felt alone. Thanks to MMHI, I can use that empathy to not only continue to rebuild and grow myself, but I can also fill up the cup of other mothers. Circle of Hope and MMHI created the space for me to find belonging within my community, within my family, and within myself. I will always strive to extend that welcoming acceptance to others and let them know that they, too, are never truly alone. Belonging begins with the small step of reaching out, and, in conjunction with Moms Mental Health Initiative, I will gladly be one of the hands pulling you in and lifting you up.
Dr. Elizabeth Ortega
is a pregnancy and pediatric chiropractor at Maedke Chiropractic in Bay View, Milwaukee, WI.